How much interest should I show to a guy that I’m interested in?? That old chestnut is one of life’s many mysteries! It is closely linked to ‘how much initiative should I show?’
I really believe that the male should be the leader in a relationship. By no means am I saying that the woman should blindly follow whatever they say…no way, not at all…relationships should be an equal partnership, but I like the idea of the male being the one that protects me and guides me in my faith journey. So…how does that transfer to the beginnings of dating?
Should I be sitting back, not doing anything…just hoping and praying that he’ll waltz over to me after seeing me across the room, and in a deep sexy voice say “would you like to grab a coffee with me?” I’ve read so many times that if a guy is interested in you, he’ll do something about it. So if he doesn’t do anything, he’s not interested. BUT…surely guys are worried about rejection as much as us ladies, so I would assume that a guy would be more confident to ask you for coffee if he thought you’d say yes?
So…how do I show that I’m interested, and is me suggesting an informal coffee catch up an ok thing? I dunno. I have explicitly suggested coffee to 2 guys in the last few years, and both politely declined. One was still hung up on an ex, and the other wasn’t seeking a relationship at the time. So my experience would suggest that my suggestion of coffee was pointless, because they were never interested, and that’s why they didn’t suggest coffee themselves. But then you hear the stories of the women who made the coffee suggestion, the guy agreed, and from then on he organised dates, then proposed (…obviously a longer time frame than that, but you see my point, lol).
I guess I take the approach of ‘we’re all adults here, and I’m not interested in playing games.’ If I think a guy is nice and there could be potential, I’ll just let him know, and then he can take the lead from there. I read a book ages ago which said ‘a successful relationship is one where you find out whether or not you are suited to marriage’. So I guess a successful coffee suggestion is one in which I find out if they are interested. So far they haven’t been interested, but I guess that doesn’t make it a fail. Sure it’s super disappointing when they say no, but I don’t think asking was pointless. It really hurts to get rejected, but I’d rather know now so that I don’t waste time thinking about someone who doesn’t see potential in me.
Maybe one day a guy will waltz over to me and suggest coffee, or maybe one day when I suggest coffee he’ll actually say yes. Because coffee is just coffee. It’s two people getting to know each other and seeing if there is a connection. It’s not agreeing to date, and it’s not marriage. What do you think?? Who should initiate that first casual hangout? If the guy doesn’t suggest it, should a woman bother?!