My brother is 4 years younger than me and has been in a relationship for 5 years with an awesome girl…
I think they might get engaged soon.
I’m super excited about getting a sister in law, and maybe in the future a niece or nephew, I’m excited about having a wedding to go to, and I’m excited to help with the planning…
But I also feel sad. And disappointed in myself.
Being single can be great, as spoken about lots on this blog, but it can also make me feel defeated, and doubting if it will ever be my turn. I’m the eldest cousin on both sides of the family, and currently still the only single one (excluding my 3 cousins who are under 10, lol). It always makes me think…what am I doing wrong that I’m still single when everyone else in the family is in a relationship?
I just really hope people don’t turn to me with a wink and say ‘it’ll be your turn next’…because reality is that it might never be my turn. Slowly but surely I am becoming more ok with that as a potential future, because I know that my identity doesn’t rest in my relationship status, but in that of being loved by God.
I have a cousin who is 8 years younger than me and has a 2yr old son. I look back to who I was when she announced her pregnancy to who I am now…a very different person. Back then I had to leave the room when she first brought her son to a family lunch, and spend 15 minutes crying in the bathroom (this was a public restaurant by the way…), and then proceed to have about 3 wines in quick succession to cope sitting at the table without balling my eyes out. I then had what can only be described as a hissy fit in the car on the way home.
Certainly not my finest moment. And unfortunately not an isolated incident.
But I can now recognise that I was in the initial stages of grief…I was approaching 30 with a very different life to what I had envisioned.
It’s been a lot of hard work, but I’ve learnt a lot of coping mechanisms to help me in these situations.The main one is reminding myself of all the great things about being single, and that being married and/or having children still has a lot of challenges…just different ones to being single. No one lifestyle is better than the other, just different.
Of course I still desperately hope that I do have the opportunity to get married and have children, but I’m proud that I can genuinely say I’m looking forward to my brother’s wedding.
I’m sure I’ll have a private cry somewhere on the day, but I’ll wipe my eyes, say a prayer, and continue to enjoy the day. Anyone else found themselves in a similar situation? What advice do you have?