When Your Younger Sibling Gets Married Before You

My brother is 4 years younger than me and has been in a relationship for 5 years with an awesome girl…

I think they might get engaged soon.

Image result for wedding

I’m super excited about getting a sister in law, and maybe in the future a niece or nephew, I’m excited about having a wedding to go to, and I’m excited to help with the planning…

But I also feel sad. And disappointed in myself.

Being single can be great, as spoken about lots on this blog, but it can also make me feel defeated, and doubting if it will ever be my turn. I’m the eldest cousin on both sides of the family, and currently still the only single one (excluding my 3 cousins who are under 10, lol). It always makes me think…what am I doing wrong that I’m still single when everyone else in the family is in a relationship?

I just really hope people don’t turn to me with a wink and say ‘it’ll be your turn next’…because reality is that it might never be my turn. Slowly but surely I am becoming more ok with that as a potential future, because I know that my identity doesn’t rest in my relationship status, but in that of being loved by God.

I have a cousin who is 8 years younger than me and has a 2yr old son. I look back to who I was when she announced her pregnancy to who I am now…a very different person. Back then I had to leave the room when she first brought her son to a family lunch, and spend 15 minutes crying in the bathroom (this was a public restaurant by the way…), and then proceed to have about 3 wines in quick succession to cope sitting at the table without balling my eyes out. I then had what can only be described as a hissy fit in the car on the way home.

Certainly not my finest moment. And unfortunately not an isolated incident.

But I can now recognise that I was in the initial stages of grief…I was approaching 30 with a very different life to what I had envisioned.

It’s been a lot of hard work, but I’ve learnt a lot of coping mechanisms to help me in these situations.The main one is reminding myself of all the great things about being single, and that being married and/or having children still has a lot of challenges…just different ones to being single. No one lifestyle is better than the other, just different.

Of course I still desperately hope that I do have the opportunity to get married and have children, but I’m proud that I can genuinely say I’m looking forward to my brother’s wedding.

I’m sure I’ll have a private cry somewhere on the day, but I’ll wipe my eyes, say a prayer, and continue to enjoy the day. Anyone else found themselves in a similar situation? What advice do you have?

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4 thoughts on “When Your Younger Sibling Gets Married Before You

  1. I understand that pain.
    Male, recently 27.
    My younger brother (25) has just announced his engagement with his girlfriend of 2.5 years (though he has known her for about 4 years). He told me about a month before he popped the question that he’d bought a ring and was waiting for the right time. I was both happy for him and angry and upset with myself, I even had a panic attack shortly after he told me. I’ve seen him have 4 girlfriends over the years.

    My sister, also younger, has been with her current boyfriend for about 5 years.

    My youngest brother broke up with his girlfriend a year ago and found a new one about 8 months later.

    I’ve seen one of my younger cousins -so far- get married (though after two years, it may end up in divorce).

    Me, on the other hand, I’ve yet to have had any sort of relationship. I think my high school friends think I’m gay, I think my family are unsure; my grandparents have even given up nagging.

    I don’t know your reasons for being single, but mine are a combination of depression, anxiety and being “that nerdy guy”. I’ve started seeing a psychologist to address the first two, and it seems to be helping a lot; I’ve even managed to meet a nice girl, so maybe I won’t be single too much longer.

    If your reasons are similar to mine, please, get help, it’s so worth it. Note: I’ve never had to use medication for this.

    tl;dr I’m recovering from anxiety and depression by seeing a psychologist – if you have these or similar issues, please get help, it *is* worth it.

    Like

    1. thanks for reading 🙂 Yep, it’s hard not to compare ourselves to our younger siblings…but I guess at the end of the day we’re all on our own journey. I hope things continue to move in the right direction with the nice girl you mentioned 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is such a hard place to be. I get it. Though none of my younger siblings have married yet, I’ve been been made aware that I’m in the “old maid status” by a few.

    I really admire your acceptance and even your ability to grieve. That’s so important! We can tell ourselves over and over “It doesn’t matter”; but denial is not one of the steps towards healing.

    I think something that helps me is realizing that my worth is not tied to my relationships, (just like you mentioned). Realizing that my confidence, worth, love… all of it stems from the God that bestowed those things on me.

    Recently wrote on that… don’t know how ethical it is to leave you a link to the post, but I will just in case you’d like to read it.

    Thanks for your honesty. It’s okay to cry. Seriously — give yourself permission. You probably already know how helpful that is. And then don’t forget to tell Jesus about it. He understands your heart better than anyone else in the world. And He is constantly pursuing you!

    http://maidarise.blogspot.com/2016/12/guys-and-girls.html

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your encouraging words 🙂 I totally agree that not weighting our worth on a relationship status is very helpful!! (difficult to remember all the time though, lol!) Thanks for the link also 🙂

      Like

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