How Do You Back Yourself After So Much Rejection?

So you’ve entered into the ‘fuzzy friendship’ stage with someone, where you feel something more, but you aren’t sure if all the extra hanging out is leading to ‘more than friends’… how do you actually sit comfortably in that unknown without shutting down your feelings?

This is where I’m sitting at the moment.

I mentioned in a previous blog post here, that I had met a lovely guy a few months ago. Well I’d say that the friendship is growing…but now so are my feelings.

He recently went on an overseas trip for 4 weeks…but we stayed in contact every single day. Yep, you read that right…every.single.day for 4 weeks (plus every day the week leading up to when he left). And it was really nice to get to know each other better without any pressure of “what is going on here?” Most mornings we messaged for over 1hr about any and every topic…sometimes about his trip, but mostly just about other life stuff. Our conversations really gave me an insight into who he is, his dislikes and likes…but also made me realise that I think I’m falling for this guy. NOOOO!!!!

And I’m not falling for him just because of a physical attraction (although that is there), but rather because I feel like he really KNOWS me. He remembers things that I say, and things that I’m going through,  and then asks me later how those things went. He sent me pictures of things he did on his trip because he knew that I would be interested. He knows what makes me laugh and he knows what topics I like to talk about. He talks about God with honesty and encourages me in my faith.

This is a completely new level of intimacy that I haven’t experienced before.

So how do I let myself get swept up in these emotions, when I’m scared that it won’t turn out how I hope?

I realised that I was at a critical point in my thoughts when I first saw him after his trip. It was so easy…so normal…so completely the opposite of awkward. But nothing happened to indicate that he wants to date me.

I have so many questions…like will he want to hang out now that he’s back? Does he just consider me a good friend? How much should I indicate that I’m interested? Do I just want to continue a friendship like this if he’s not interested? Should we even continue a friendship like this? Was he just messaging me cause he was being polite and thought I wanted to know about his trip?

When I’ve only ever experienced rejection, it’s really hard to be friends in this situation. I actually feel like I’m just waiting for him to start dating someone else, or to say to me “oh, sorry that you got the wrong impression, I was just being nice” (both of those examples have actually happened to me…). But I guess if that’s how this does pan out, at least I can say I had a glimmer of what a deeper connection with a guy could be like…and this is even without any physical contact of any type! AND…if it turns to crap that I at least get a really funny story out of it for this blog!!! haha!!

So I’m praying about this situation a lot. Praying that God will make His direction really clear to me, and give me the courage to keep being friends if that’s what is for my good…regardless of the outcome.

I think I’m going to give it a shot…because I guess the worst that can happen is that I get rejected again…and I’ve survived it before, so I’ll survive it again!! I think it’s impossible though to beat my worst experience of accidentally walking into the bathroom on a guy who had just rejected me days before (true story…!!).

 

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