Emotional Vulnerability – What’s Appropriate in the ‘Hanging Out’ Stage?!

So things have been going well with ‘Mr Potential’…I’ve been to his place for dinner a few times, and he’s had dinner at mine. We’re still messaging regularly, and we were both at a camping trip with a group of friends. But…there still hasn’t been a conversation about what’s going on between us, and I don’t know what his intentions are. I’m assuming from his actions that he’s at least a bit interested and is spending time getting to know me before making a decision either way…but I can’t be sure (it sure would be handy to be a mind reader haha!!). 

So this means that I’m unsure how much to commit emotionally to this ‘friendship’…which is what it is at the moment. How much do I share about my thoughts and feelings so that he’s getting an accurate view of who I am, and not just a surface version of myself. I think it’s important for discussion to go beyond ‘favourite tv star’ …but I’m also very wary of opening up too much in case he suddenly decides he doesn’t want to spend any time with me anymore, and I get hurt.

Because realistically, that’s what this ‘hanging out’ time is for I think. It’s for deciding if there are qualities and values in each other that makes this worth pursing as more than friends.

And to be honest…I feel like I am constantly waiting for him to message me and say something like ‘so guess what…I think I like so and so…’ or for him to just stop spending time with me. Even though I’m a pretty friendly person, there is definitely only a small group of people who I am completely open and honest with about everything. It takes time to get to that level of intimacy. When the only experience I have ever had with guys is rejection, it’s difficult to think that things could be any different in this situation.

But I guess until what’s going on between us is discussed, it’s going to be in this strange unsure level of emotional commitment…where we talk about pretty much everything EXCEPT our feelings towards each other.

I’m someone who needs to talk everything out…so it’s difficult for me to talk about so much with him…but not everything.  But from what I know of him, he takes awhile to make decisions…but then when he does – it’s been thought out, prayed about and is clear.

When we were camping he was pretty intentional about spending time alone with me…we went on a few walks along the beach and lots of good chats around the fire which he initiated. I really noticed that he is very attentive and thoughtful. A very different experience for me! I’m so used to doing everything by myself and having to look after myself all time time…so I was definitely aware of the small things he did for me.

I want him to lead the next stage (whatever that is…more than friends, always friends…) He said that he wants to have dinner with my parents, so maybe that will bring on a change??!! I will keep you posted!!


2 thoughts on “Emotional Vulnerability – What’s Appropriate in the ‘Hanging Out’ Stage?!

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