So…I know I haven’t updated for awhile, and I think it’s because I have big news to share…that I feel a bit guilty about sharing…I’m engaged!! We’re getting married in 6 months, and it’s been such a wonderful experience. But underneath the joy and excitement, a little bit of me feels guilty for leaving the ‘single sisterhood’. I think I keep projecting all of the things I felt when my other friends got engaged…and basically I’m finding it difficult to not feel like I have let down my single friends, because I have gotten engaged. Single people band together and encourage each other and support each other – and I hope that I can continue to do that will all of my friends when I’m married, but experience tells me that when I’m married, I won’t be able to do it in the same way that I once did when I was single.
I want to be sensitive to my single friends because I remember how I felt from some of my married friend’s actions and words. I think I’m worried about offending my single friends…but I know that they love me and want the best for me. And everyone approaches unmet expectations in different ways and it’s impossible for me to always say the right thing and the right time and not offend any of my friends by talking about my new relationship status.
An example is that I don’t like to talk about my wedding plans too often, because I remember how I used to zone out and feel jealous when my other engaged friends spoke about their wedding. But what about if my friends do want to hear about all the details of designing invites??
I suppose what I actually am realising, is that I feel really guilty now for all the thoughts I had about my married/engaged friends when I was single. At the time I was doing the best I could, but envy and jealousy did creep in occasionally (and lets be honest…if you’ve read any of my blog, you’ll know that it was sometimes a lot more than occasionally haha!) Maybe it’s because I’m in a life situation that I NEVER thought was going to happen…and so a bit of me is still thinking through things with the lense of singleness…and a little bit of me can’t quite believe that I met someone who not only makes me feel so comfortable and loved, but I make him feel those things too.
I’m very thankful to God for bringing my fiancè into my life, but I also want to say that I am thankful for my extended singleness leading up to meeting him, because it is that experience which has allowed me to learn so much about singleness and marriage. Hopefully God can use what I learnt to be an encouragement to others, and to help other see different perspectives.
Just reading back over my old posts on this blog I realise how far I have come from being desperate to meet someone, to acknowledging that marriage is no better than singleness…it is just a different. God uses both statuses, and I suppose I really should try to stop feeling guilty that God is going to use me in a different (but not better) way than before.