What Happens When You Change From ‘Single’ to ‘Not Single’??

I’ve been thinking a lot lately…about what happens when after an incredibly long time, your life situation changes?

For example: you’ve always, ALWAYS, been the single person, but then through nothing but sheer luck of the draw your status changes and you are no longer single. But your closest confidants are single, your life routines are based on being single, you fight hard for single people to be heard and valued, and you had your future planned out for being single.

And, the big one…if you are suddenly on the other side of the fence, you are now one of ‘those’ people that the single version of you used to get frustrated by, be jealous of, and complain about.

Before I continue, I must say that I am definitely still single…but for the first time EVER, I feel like there may be potential for that to change. That has led me to a lot of pondering about what happens when you enter into that ‘relationship club’ you though you’d never be a part of…

I am the single girl. Always have been, and assumed I would be forever. I’d even come to a place where I was looking forward to all the things I would do as a single person in the future. I even have my power of attorney picked out to look after me when I’m an old single and childless woman!

I revel in the freedom of singleness, enjoy my uninterrupted sleep, and I pride myself on successfully managing my finances all by myself.

…but deep down (very, very deep down), there is a part of me that knew I so desperately didn’t want to be single.

It occasionally showed itself when I’d partake in events like being a bridesmaid, going around to dinner at friend’s places who had kids, Christmas time, etc. That part of me is slowly surfacing more and and that ‘hope’ is starting to enter into my thought process a lot more than before since I’ve started hanging out with the current potential guy.

Even if this current ‘hanging out’ doesn’t eventuate into a relationship…I’ve had a taste of what it feels like when you spend time with someone who actually ticks all those things you never ever (and I really mean never ever…) thought would be part of your life.

But why me? Why me and not my incredibly amazing, beautiful, funny and caring single friends who also desire to meet someone? And if my situation does change…how do I make sure that I remain sensitive to their needs? I treasure these friendships so much.

I’m utterly horrified to think that I could become one of those ‘people in a relationship’ who says insensitive things to their single friends. I’ve heard those comments 1000 times, and rolled by eyes at them 1000 times more…

Single people are my crew, and what an incredibly supportive crew they are. I always watched other people pair off and leave the single crew…but never thought there’d be the possibility of changing from that crew myself.

How do I talk about the new aspect of my life with my single friends because I want to share my life with them, while making sure I don’t talk about nothing because I don’t want them to feel like I used to feel when people spoke of potential dates. How do I find that balance?

I need to keep reminding myself that my identity is not found in my relationship status, but instead in that God loves me. That is what single and non-single people all have in common.

I seem to have a lot of questions today, and not many answers, sorry! But I am excited about the possibilities that the future might have…but it’s also pretty overwhelming because I’ve always been single and I all I know is how to be single. And maybe things will remain that way anyway!


5 thoughts on “What Happens When You Change From ‘Single’ to ‘Not Single’??

  1. You will want to guard yourself against the spiritual effects of envy coming your way. You’ll want to guard against “singles’ survivors’ guilt” from the enemy. As for how to treat your single friends well, I think your heart is already poised to do that, just from the fact that you care. You’ll find ways. Being sparse with the social media exultations over your (possible) new relationship might be a good place to start. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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