So in a few months I will be turning 30. I always just assumed I would be married by 30, and possibly have some kids…cause that’s just what happens, right?! Well not for me…and not for many others, as I’ve come to take comfort in.
I always said to my parents that I’ll ‘move out of home when I get married’, but when I was approaching late 20s with absolutely no male prospects in sight, I thought it was time to make the big move. I’m very grateful that I did move out and get my own place, but even though it seems trivial, I certainly grieved not being able to move out of my parents home to moving in with my husband. In hindsight, it was actually really good for me to move out by myself without a husband…I’ve learnt a lot about myself and how to run a household.
It seems that I had just presumed I would pass certain milestones as someone in a relationship…buying my first house, setting up a home, going overseas etc. And now another milestone is happening which I will pass as a single…turning 30!!
I’m making a very conscious decision to celebrate turning 30, rather than be sad about all the things I feel that I should have accomplished by now, (namely being in a relationship and children). I’m planning on having a big party…partly to take my mind of thinking ‘far out, why am I still single at 30??!!’ lol, but mainly because I LOVE organising events and I LOVE entertaining.
I feel like the 30 milestone is so big for a childless woman because reality is that time is running out (for egg quality I mean, lol). But I am learning to revel in the gifts that childlessness brings, rather than wallow in self pity. Going into my 30s I will cherish things such as uninterrupted sleep, freedom to go to conferences whenever I want, options to visit people at any time, eating whatever I want whenever I want…but I will grieve not having gorgeous kids running around collecting eggs at Easter time, waking me up in the middle of the night with kisses, and the big whopper one…not having anyone call me ‘mummy’. (phew..even writing that one smashes down years of work accepting my singleness and brings on the tears…)
But there are heaps of things I have accomplished in my life so far, things at work and in my personal life which I am so appreciative for. I recently won an acting promotion at work, which I am so excited for…I will be head of a department for Term 2!! So maybe I haven’t been in a relationship, or kissed a guy yet, or had sex, and maybe my 30s will be the same…but I feel like I have turned a corner and I am earnestly looking forward to entering my 30s. I know lots of incredible single and childless women who are in their 30s, and I love watching them thriving in their life.
I also know lots of incredible women who are in their 20s who are married, and who will pass their big 30 milestone with that special guy by their side. I’ll be frank and admit that that naughty comment still passes my mind of ‘why them and not me?’, but I quickly remind myself that I have so much to be thankful for, and a relationship is just one experience of thousands that can make up a joyful life.
I guess I haven’t written a blog post for awhile because I haven’t really thought about being single that much lately. Sure the odd thought pops into my mind from time to time, and very occasionally tears well up behind my eyes…but these occurrences are getting less and less…which I am very grateful for. I think I’m moving past my grief and focusing on what is now and how I can use my current situation to serve God.
Well, I better get back to planning my huge 30th Birthday party…lots of lists to make as well as my trip to UK to prepare for. Lots to be thankful for, even if there isn’t a man!